the rise and rise of the scally

okay so now you can sell practically anything on ebay be prefixing it with the word chav or scally. as in scally’s used footie shorts – see they will sell much quicker and for more money than your regular footie shorts. especially if you add the phrase ‘gay int?’ to the end.
There are even gay clubs trading on chav appeal. dress code is trackie bottoms and rockports obviously. and if you want you can add a bit of bling too.
So now whilst reading axm it would appear that scally culture has permeated as low as the chatline.
“My life on a rough Liverpool council estate” Robbie, 18 “Hear what me & me scally mates get up to” Dial 0909 0600 XXX
See now I grew up north of Liverpool and the scouse accent has always been easy for me to mimic. In fact I have used that to my benefit at times if you catch my drift.
So anyway back to the chat lines. With titles like “Let DSS bloke **** me for a crisis loan” and “Me **** peeps out the leg of me shorts” oh and then the classic “****ed by the rozzers in the bogs” and “Let drug dealer have me a**e” you can be sure there are plenty of callers.
I laughed at the fact that every time they use the word lad, teen or young they had p ut (18+) afterwards and I imagined some american accent doing this as a voice over at the end of a cheezy commercial. “Actors all 18 years or older, some scenes may not be based on true events, and in no way indicates the personal preferences of the actors involved.” (but hey you know they like it when they play gay).
So I’ve decided to start mye own phone line. I’ll borrow heavily from the trackie bottom titles and do some fab scripts.
How about “Cheeky scouser scally boy(18+) does London” 078 0150 XXXX
Or “Shooting c*m down the leg of me trackies” no not floating your boat?
Okay this one will get you ringing, “I **** off into me mate’s skanky undies”. Well okay maybe not but it made me chuckle.
Right anyway I think it’s time for me to do some audio blogging. Feel free to email me ideas for script and I’ll do me best scouse accent like and split the £1/min with you.
Pics of me in trackie bottoms optional.


Some fuckers decided that not content with what they had in the world they would go and steal something of mine. So they broke into my car, breaking the door in the process so it no longer clses flush. They also broke the steering column in an inept attempt to steal the whole car. I never keep anything of value in the car so basically they have managed to cause a lot of heartache and damage and got nothing. At least they went away empty handed I guess.
I should realy report it to the police but since it is only insured third party I can’t be bothered (no wonder it looks like Labour are winning the war on crime).
the really annoying bit is I hardly ever use the car. I just had it put through an MOT and was about to tax it. In fact I have not driven it since it was at the garage so it was still parked where they left it. So I need to tax it and then get a quote to see how much it will cost to fix – no doubt much more than the value – or how much I will use it.
I am a public transport boy normally – but occasionally, just occaisionally it is really convenient to use a car, going to Liverpool, going to the supermarket etc.

friday diversions

The Friday Five

1. What was your most memorable moment from the last week?

Erm dare I say Wednesday night?

2. What one person touched your life this week?

LOL just the one? I reckon that’ll be the noozlelander texting me at 3am for someones number in Sydney. What am I international Directory Enquiries?

3. How have you helped someone this week?

I let my mate from Liverpool stay at mine last night. That was helpful.

4. What one thing do you need to get done by this time next week?

An entire new training schedule and course outline plus a proposal.

5. What one thing will you do over the next seven days to make your world a better place?

I’ll be going swimming.

Photo Friday

This week’s challenge: “Glass“.

Friday Five
Photo Friday

62 Years

That’s how long my Nana and Grandad have lived in their house in Walton, Liverpool. It’s a long time to live somewhere, almost double my life.
They are moving this weekend to a flat in Crosby to be nearer my Mum and Dad. It’s also sheltered housing so hopefully it will make it a bit easier on all concerned knowing that there will always be someone around to help in an emergency or a friend to play bingo with.
It’s a frightening thought though. I was just thinking how much upheaval it would be for me to move now. I have been considering moving for a few months.
Over the past 3 and a half years I have lived in Streatham I have made some new friends around the corner and really settled into the area. More I think, than any other area I lived in [except maybe Soho].
Imagine if I was still in this flat in 2060. That’s essentially what I am working towards. Would you be happy living where you are now in another 58 years? Do you expect to still be around for that matter!
I can only imagine the changes my grandparents have lived through. From when Liverpool was still a thriving port, before the TV companies and posh flats and restaurants had moved into the docklands area.
I hope they will be as happy in their new home, somehow though I can’t help but think that even if it is only through habit they will find it strange for a long time.

The Bourne Identity Part II

Okay then so I know it’s a little later than I planned but I had one of those weekends.
Friday went to see The Bourne Identitytrailer here
It was really cool – fast paced and entertaining. Enough sly humour to stop me getting bored and enough Matt Damon to keep me very happy 😉
Makes James Bond seem very old and quaint.
Before the film a few of us from workwent for dinner and drinks. John and I ended up at wagamama’s on High St Ken [the others wanted boringly plain food]. We were served by a rather cute guy by the name of Anthony – John greeted him as such and continued to flirt for the rest of the meal. ‘Oh is that an iPaq?’ etc etc.
Straight boys flirting with waiters = wrong
Waiters dissing me in favour of straight boys = very wrong

We wandered back down the High Street to the Princess Victoria which was having a closing down sale – good for us and good for the pub by the looks. Not the sort of bar one would expect to find in Kensington.

So all in all a fun packed Friday night.

Saturday and Sunday were quite quiet by all accounts. A friend from Liverpool came to stay on Saturday and after 3 bottles of tinto the rest of the evening was spent watching Beautiful Thing
I noticed for the first time that both Wendy and Leslie are in the Gloucester scenes. I was always looking for Graham – doh!

Sunday was a bit of a write off – although did manage pizza and a few beers at the Waterfront – nice bar – nice atmosphere – nice boys 😉

Se erm that was my weekend – how was yours?

Enjoy the silence

Okay well last week was a bit quiet on all fronts. I have not been well since my trip to Liverpool. I was feeling kind bad on the journey down the M6 but by the time I hit the sack on Sunday I was unable to talk properly. I have not been in work yet this week and have had a fever and sore throat with nasty yellow puss and spots. I took a couple of pictures naturally but they are a little fuzzy and really don’t show you how bad it really was. Scally’s x-rays are a much better depictation of his injuries. So what with not being able to talk and being perpetually tired I felt like a monk ho had taken a vow of silence. No online chatting and no offline talking. Typically I have not been able to get an appointment with my doctor so I am going to just rough it.
Super strength strepsils are the order of the day!

Oh and daytime TV has not got any better since the last time I was off ill. At least then they had Wonder Woman on Sci-Fi. This time the only programme worth watching during the day was grand designs and I only saw one of them [it was the only one I stayed awake through]. A couple had bought a mill up north stripped out the interior and made it all modern inside with a ?6,000 shower. It looked nice though and you know if I had the money and lived up north I might consider something similar.
So all in all a very quiet week for me – which you know is sometimes good. My mum always warned me about burning the candle at both ends. I think I was melting the middle a little too!

today i mostly…

sat in traffic on the M6 south 🙁
So a mixed weekend in Liverpool – was nice to see my folks and friends [Adrian has just had his first daughter]. My gran however is very ill 🙁 Tiring though all that travelling up and down motoways.
It’s almost as bad as flying but not as painful with non of that annoying airport loitering.
So I’m ready for bed now.

Mrs Scouse

When I worked for Danny La Rue I worked with a number of other Iain’s and we had a couple of regulars also caled Iain so it was a pretty confusing place. In order to make it less complicated for our colleagues and friends we adopted a number of nicknames – some of which have stuck into later life and some which were dropped fairly quickly.
The chef became scottish Iain, Ian who worked accross the street in Foyles became Ian Foyles and I became Iain Scouse. Ian who I lived with remained just Ian – not sure how he managed that but he did.
We worked with a guy from LA called Stevie and before he moved back permenantly to the US we took him up to Liverpool to see some of the North.
As we were pulling into my parents driveway he got all flustereed and turned to James, Ian and I and said “so what do I call your parents then, Mr and Mrs Scouse?”
He was genuinely suprised when we told him Scouse was a nickname.
As you can imagine we didn’t hold it together very well and laughter ensued at every reference to scouse from then on 😉