‘The thing is, right, all the best pop stars are paedophiles, aren’t they? Jackson, Glitter, Townsend, King. So what they should do is take a load of musical instruments to prison and get all the paedoes to make records. You’d get loads of brilliant albums and they’d have repaid their debt to society. And then you could drown them all in a sack and they’d still be able to go to heaven.

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