Airlines have a thing called a gripe sheet, its where pilots report niggly little problems about the plane when they land it goes to the engineering departent who then fix it and report back. This is some of the ones from Quantas:

Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Service Engineer: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
SE: Suspect you’re right.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
SE: Live bugs on back-order.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
SE: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
SE: That’s what they’re there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
SE: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
SE: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
SE: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
SE: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
SE: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
SE: Took hammer away from midget.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
SE: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
SE: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
SE: Evidence removed.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
SE: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

One Reply to “Oh if only we had a gripe sheet too!”

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