my brother and sister in

my brother and sister in law [ooh and my neice of course] are coming over from Singapore for the next 3 weeks to visit family and friends and get a bit of a holiday too I hope. So I shall be going home to Liverpool at the week end to see the folks. It is nearly a year since my last visit home and I suddenly felt very guilty this morning. When I think of how many friends I have over here who are all from other countries and cannot afford to go home and visit and yet here I am a mere 300 miles or so away and haven’t been home. Especially since my gran isn’t getting any younger.
Jack will have fun too – he can wreak havoc on the beach and hassle my mum’s cat for the week end !

I was reading this morning

I was reading this morning in @metro about the demise of and it got me to thinking that if they could make a film about short lived .com enterprises then imagine they could make a mini series out of others like and [still not made a profit I hear]. In fact it might be the only way some of these dotcom’s could make money – by selling the screen rights!

my stars [no i don’t

my stars [no i don’t normally read them…] today have a lot of not so hidden meanings or maybe not so hidden. thisislondon says;
21 January – 19 February
Peace at any cost seems a good idea. But not at the expense of your feelings. The last thing you want now is to assume you’ve got to be defensive. The Sun and Moon are reminding you about the injustice of divided loyalties. So use your ability to rationalise the situation, and then others will begin to see the folly of their ways.
The one in the standard I will scan in but reads;
21 January – 19 February
Unavoidable though it is, you could feel like you have let someone down. Of course, the truth is, you haven’t. But the idea that you are responsible is still giving you guilty thoughts. Don’t over-compensate by becoming all gushing and nice. After all, generosity of spirit is better is better aimed at yourself, rather than at those who undervalue themselves.

Disturbing thoughts abound now…

you know when you do

you know when you do something and instantly regret it and then try and undo what you did and you can’t so you try to hide it – you always get caught out. You know sometimes though even getting caught isn’t bad it’s that fact that you did it in the first place and you have no control over anything after that moment. Recently I have managed to upset 2 people [possibly 3] in this way. I’m not going into details because somethings are not fit for publishing. I would like to have not upset them but the deed is done and there is no undo in life. crtl-z just doesn’t exist. So now it is back to the routine but everything has changed and I don’t like it. Normally I’m fine with things like that but recently lots of things have been weighing me down and now I’m at the point where just keeping my head above water is a huge effort. Trust is a 2 way street and I feel like I can’t express how I’m feeling for hurting other people or having them pass judgement so instead I am just staying quiet. Being this quiet isn’t good for me I’m sure, my mom always told me not to bottle things up in case you explode but unfortunately I have no alternative at the moment. This is sounding very depressing I know but hey you know what that’s kind of tough cos that’s how I’ve been feeling for a while now – it’s part of the reason I’ve been looking to move. I’m not sure if it’s London I don’t want to live in anymore or if it’s just because I need to change my life. I thought everything would be easier when I was single and for the most part it is but now I have no excuse for putting off decisions anymore. Gah beans and stuff.