Instagram photograph

Instagram photo, 21 December 2013

Instagram photograph

Originally posted to Instagram on 21 December 2013. Recovered from my Instagram data export in September 2026.

Jack Off the Beanstalk

I love a good panto and when I say panto I mean men in dresses and more innuendos and willy gags than you can shake a stick at along with a tiny bit of male nudity if you sit in the right place. Spoiler Alert: Jack (Chris Clynes) gets his kit off!

So the annual Above the Stag Theatre (now in their new venue at Vauxhall) is a must attend fixture in the festive calendar.

Jack is not for the easily offended or if you sit in the front row, the easily embarrassed. Political correctness doesn’t exist in panto land so be ready to chuckle at gags that make popbitch look tame.

Oh and this year you get to scratch and sniff your way through the evening of filth with the wonder of “odour-drama” which includes sniffing Cillian’s pants (played by Joseph Miller). You really can smell the action!

Far too many one-liners to pick a favourite but with gags including topical Tom Daley jokes and a cameo from Sue Pollard this is a must see and is on until January 10th at http://www.abovethestag.com

Jack Off the Beanstalk odour-drama

John Lambo Spam

A new one in the inbox, and I want to draw your attention to the craftsmanship.

It opens “ATTN: President/Ceo”, which suggests Engr. John Lambo has done his research and concluded that this blog is a multinational. He found me, he says, “from the Export Promotion Council Foreign Exhibition”, an event I have somehow attended without noticing.

Then, three paragraphs in, comes my favourite confession in the history of unsolicited email. He explains that his ministry awarded a contract to a foreign firm, and that this contract was, and I quote, one “which we the officials over-invoiced and deliberately increased”. The original contractor has been paid. There is 27,350,000 dollars left over. He is telling me this not as a warning but as a CV.

Consider the moral architecture here. Engr. Lambo and his colleagues have embezzled twenty seven million dollars and are entirely relaxed about it. The thing standing between them and the money is not the police, or an auditor, or their conscience. It is that “the Civil Service Code of Conduct does not allow public servants like us to operate offshore account”. Fraud, fine. Improper account paperwork, absolutely not. There are standards.

He would like me to be his “Partner/Trustee”. He will require my “oath of trust”. He assures me the transaction is “100% risk-free and highly classified”, which are two things that are rarely both true, and he needs my telephone and fax numbers for effective communications. Fax. In case the twenty seven million needs faxing.

Best of all, for security reasons, because they are such highly placed government officials, I am to reply only to his confidential email address. Which is at libero.it. Free Italian webmail. Nothing says Executive Director of Finance and Accounts at a national petroleum subsidiary quite like a webmail account you could sign up for during an advert break.

My cut would be 20 percent, so five million four hundred and seventy thousand dollars, for the work of owning a bank account. I have not replied, which on reflection makes me the only person in this correspondence behaving unreasonably.

I should also note, purely for the record, that my husband’s internet handle has been Lambo for as long as I have known him. If twenty seven million dollars does turn up, I know exactly who is going to claim it was addressed to him.

The full thing, in all its glory, is here: John Lambo (PDF).

Read my massage very clear!

Hello I know that you will be surprised to receive this letter from me since you don’t know me in person, Please Read my massage very clear to understand that I want you to be my mutual partner for a very good business proposal but before we continue to the business in question I will like you to know me more, I’m Rebbecca Hush, female, single and I’m presently in the USA, My parents are Cocoa merchants and exporters residing in Republic of Cote D’Ivoire but they where suddenly attacked and killed by some rebel groups during the war in CoteD’Ivoire, My Late Father made a fix deposit with one of the commercial banks in Republic of Cote D’Ivoire before his sudden death, I need your assistance to transfer this fund to your Country for investment, I will give you more details about me and the amount involve in my next email, I’m looking forward to your reply Regards Rebbecca

This was in comic sans. Comic sans!

Customers service,

Dear Sir.

( Investment inquiry on behalf of my first party client )

 

In view of the urgent and private nature of our intentions to go into a joint investment programme with your establishment, We wish and request that you forward to us the direct contact to the CEO of your Establishment.

 

I am soliciting your humble attentions to this matter as we will like to discuss the terms and conditions of his investment policies before we can commence with the perfection of documentations that will assume this venture the beneficiary of the investment funds.

 

My clients (Savimbi family) has in their the disposal the sum of twenty five million united states dollars that they wish for your venture`s co operation in securing and investing these funds into the financial system of your state without any complication, We have confidence in your investment opportunities to withstand the value of those funds for the required period of time we agree on.

 

I will also like you to treat this my humble request with integrity and confidentiality as the political system in my nation demands that we secure and invest those funds now without delay.

Please be fast to forward his e-mail addressee, mobile phone number, and direct fax line so that we can communicate with him without further delay.

We also expect you to inform and alert him of our mail.

 

Thanks and always remain blessed.

Johnson Douglas (Esq)

lugard solicitors & notary public

(On behalf of the Savimbi family)

+4470111…

Not as Top Important as the last spam

Greetings from the gulf region.

 

I’m Abdulkader AL Bakri,  Founder of A.K. AL BAKRI & SONS HOLDING COMPANY based in Saudi Arabia.  I’m currently seeking means of expanding and relocating our business interest abroad in lucrative business projects, sectors in your region most especially in your acclaimed area of specialization.

 

I am very interested in funding a business partnership in which you’ll be installed as the manager and sole controller of the injected capital while I remain a silent/angel investor on a long term JV partnership. However I wish to know if you can be trusted without running me/my business into liquidation? Moreso, If you have a solid background, perhaps you can write me for possible business co-operation. I am willing to consider and facilitate hard loan funding, thus let me know if you prefer loan funding.

 

Regards

 

Abdulkader Al Bakri

Chairman/President

A.K. AL BAKRI & SONS HOLDING CO.

SAUDI ARABIA.

I’ve been getting a fair amount of spam recently

This one is pretty standard but I’ve had it about 60 times this week.

 

—

Top Important

 

I am Mr Seyba Jean, a staff of BANK BICIA-B here in Burkina Faso. I am

very sorry about this sudden mail as I know it might come as a

surprise banging into your private life especially when we have not

met before. It was an urgent need for a foreign partner, which has

pushed me to send you this proposal. I know we have not met before,

but I am very optimistic that we might be able to establish the

necessary trust needed to execute this project.

 

I just need your services in a confidential matter regarding (fund) in

my bank.This requires a private arrangement.

 

You will receive these funds under legitimate arrangement that will

protect both of us. All legal documents will be carefully worked out

to ensure a risk free transfer. 50% of the total sum would be your own

portion at the end of this deal.

 

The said sum is the profit / interest my branch realized during a

period of 10 banking years. Further details will be sent to you as

soon as possible.

 

So if you are willing to assist, please get back to me soonest.

 

Thanks as I expect to hear from you soon.

 

My dearest regards.

 

Seyba Jean

Uprising spam

I’m always amazed how spammers use the misery of others in their scams

 

Hi there,

 

My name is Aisha daughter of Shukri Ghanem. We fled from Libya last year following the uprising against Col Muammar Gaddafi.

 

My father’s death is no longer news but my mother’s deteriorating health made me want to do this despite the fact that I barely know you. I believe in my late father’s philosophy: “risk many things in life; but not life itself”. I believe in taking business risk with strangers mainly to escape the spotlight and I hope you can do this for my family.

 

I have a rather unusual proposition having found you on the internet in desperation and I am here to surprise you with this extreme offer you can easily afford. It’s something that I believe could provide a great deal of profit to you if you give me a moment of your time. I would like to propose a joint venture with you because we are looking at investment opportunities in your area and we need a local presence to carry out our plans. Everything depends on you and ultimately how self-motivated you are.

 

Of course, you may simply have reservations about teaming with us when you don’t know my family. Please be assured that I want nothing more than what could be a very profitable joint venture and a lasting business relationship.

 

Please write back and I’ll explain everything in full detail.

 

Thank you.

 

Best Regard,

Aisha Ghanem.

Mobile Ad Choices App Debuts | Adweek

The mobile counterpart to the ad industrys ad choices self-regulatory program that allows consumers to opt-out of online-targeted ads is finally here. And yes, theres an app for it.Called Ad Control, the app gives consumers a way to opt out of cross-app advertising. Developed by Evidon, the app is now available in the Apple App Store. An Android version will be available later this month.When the Digital Advertising Alliance announces in two weeks its mobile privacy standards, Evidons app will allow for compliance.The DAA rolled out its ad choices program two years ago in response to growing concerns at the Federal Trade Commission and in the government that consumers needed to be given a choice to opt out of behaviorally targeted ads. Though regulators seem satisfied that the industry is working to protect consumer privacy online through self-regulation, theyve been pressing for a mobile solution, which the industry has been promising to deliver for more than a year.

via Mobile Ad Choices App Debuts | Adweek.

George Takei, Young Activists and Facebook Team Up to Make HRC Logo a Mega-Meme

As you’ve probably noticed, your Facebook feed turned red last Monday when all of your friends, particularly those in the US or with US friends, including people you had no idea had an opinion on gay marriage, changed their profile pictures to a little pink or white equals sign on a red background. The symbol is a re-colored version of the yellow-on-blue logo designed in 1995 by Stone/Yamashita who declined to comment for this story and its been changed a grand total of once since then. Anastasia Khoo, director of marketing for the Human Rights Campaign is possessive of the image, which looks a little like a corollary to the Swiss flag.

And is she biting her nails over all the variations the internet has come up with? “I have to say, I guess when we decided to make this decision it was almost preordained—in for a penny, in for a pound,” she said, “and I’ve loved it. I’ve been so impressed by the creativity weve seen out there, even from people like Martha Stewart.”

Even George Takei has had a go.

 

 

via George Takei, Young Activists and Facebook Team Up to Make HRC Logo a Mega-Meme | Adweek.