So whilst travelling around the world I’ve been on a few planes and caught up with a lot of movies.
Central Intelligence
So this was definitely better than Bad Moms but there is only so much suspension of belief I can muster and how many times can trained CIA agents miss their target?
Well actually I love Microsoft Speech Technology. It doesn’t bode well for Cortana. This voicemail preview message bears no relation to the actual voicemail. None. Not even the phone number is correct.
From: 1555481000
Subject: Voice Mail from 1555481000 (25 seconds)
Date: 20 October 2014 20:38:31 BST
To: “Croll, Iain” <—-.——@—–.—>
Voice Mail Preview:
Lillian this is chase payment services Thomas calling reference to case number 830-3008.
Staying at your time I’m trying to that meeting again care if you could just call my phone number (555) 265-8888 — should be able to help you out with that you know fix for you.
Thanks have a great day.
Created by Microsoft Speech Technology. Learn More…
You received a voice mail from 15554811000
Caller-Id: 15554811000
“Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford.”
— Samuel Johnson
The opposite is obviously true of me – I’m so not tired of London I wanted to live in the glitzy west end! Some of my friends however are a little more tired of London. I recommend removing the northern line commute and everything becomes better.
I love a good panto and when I say panto I mean men in dresses and more innuendos and willy gags than you can shake a stick at along with a tiny bit of male nudity if you sit in the right place. Spoiler Alert: Jack (Chris Clynes) gets his kit off!
So the annual Above the Stag Theatre (now in their new venue at Vauxhall) is a must attend fixture in the festive calendar.
Jack is not for the easily offended or if you sit in the front row, the easily embarrassed. Political correctness doesn’t exist in panto land so be ready to chuckle at gags that make popbitch look tame.
Oh and this year you get to scratch and sniff your way through the evening of filth with the wonder of “odour-drama” which includes sniffing Cillian’s pants (played by Joseph Miller). You really can smell the action!
Far too many one-liners to pick a favourite but with gags including topical Tom Daley jokes and a cameo from Sue Pollard this is a must see and is on until January 10th at http://www.abovethestag.com
Hello I know that you will be surprised to receive this letter from me since you don’t know me in person, Please Read my massage very clear to understand that I want you to be my mutual partner for a very good business proposal but before we continue to the business in question I will like you to know me more, I’m Rebbecca Hush, female, single and I’m presently in the USA, My parents are Cocoa merchants and exporters residing in Republic of Cote D’Ivoire but they where suddenly attacked and killed by some rebel groups during the war in CoteD’Ivoire, My Late Father made a fix deposit with one of the commercial banks in Republic of Cote D’Ivoire before his sudden death, I need your assistance to transfer this fund to your Country for investment, I will give you more details about me and the amount involve in my next email, I’m looking forward to your reply Regards Rebbecca
Customers service,
Dear Sir.
( Investment inquiry on behalf of my first party client )
In view of the urgent and private nature of our intentions to go into a joint investment programme with your establishment, We wish and request that you forward to us the direct contact to the CEO of your Establishment.
I am soliciting your humble attentions to this matter as we will like to discuss the terms and conditions of his investment policies before we can commence with the perfection of documentations that will assume this venture the beneficiary of the investment funds.
My clients (Savimbi family) has in their the disposal the sum of twenty five million united states dollars that they wish for your venture`s co operation in securing and investing these funds into the financial system of your state without any complication, We have confidence in your investment opportunities to withstand the value of those funds for the required period of time we agree on.
I will also like you to treat this my humble request with integrity and confidentiality as the political system in my nation demands that we secure and invest those funds now without delay.
Please be fast to forward his e-mail addressee, mobile phone number, and direct fax line so that we can communicate with him without further delay.
We also expect you to inform and alert him of our mail.
Thanks and always remain blessed.
Johnson Douglas (Esq)
lugard solicitors & notary public
(On behalf of the Savimbi family)
+4470111…
Greetings from the gulf region.
I’m Abdulkader AL Bakri, Founder of A.K. AL BAKRI & SONS HOLDING COMPANY based in Saudi Arabia. I’m currently seeking means of expanding and relocating our business interest abroad in lucrative business projects, sectors in your region most especially in your acclaimed area of specialization.
I am very interested in funding a business partnership in which you’ll be installed as the manager and sole controller of the injected capital while I remain a silent/angel investor on a long term JV partnership. However I wish to know if you can be trusted without running me/my business into liquidation? Moreso, If you have a solid background, perhaps you can write me for possible business co-operation. I am willing to consider and facilitate hard loan funding, thus let me know if you prefer loan funding.
Regards
Abdulkader Al Bakri
Chairman/President
A.K. AL BAKRI & SONS HOLDING CO.
SAUDI ARABIA.
This one is pretty standard but I’ve had it about 60 times this week.
—
Top Important
I am Mr Seyba Jean, a staff of BANK BICIA-B here in Burkina Faso. I am
very sorry about this sudden mail as I know it might come as a
surprise banging into your private life especially when we have not
met before. It was an urgent need for a foreign partner, which has
pushed me to send you this proposal. I know we have not met before,
but I am very optimistic that we might be able to establish the
necessary trust needed to execute this project.
I just need your services in a confidential matter regarding (fund) in
my bank.This requires a private arrangement.
You will receive these funds under legitimate arrangement that will
protect both of us. All legal documents will be carefully worked out
to ensure a risk free transfer. 50% of the total sum would be your own
portion at the end of this deal.
The said sum is the profit / interest my branch realized during a
period of 10 banking years. Further details will be sent to you as
soon as possible.
So if you are willing to assist, please get back to me soonest.
Thanks as I expect to hear from you soon.
My dearest regards.
Seyba Jean
I’m always amazed how spammers use the misery of others in their scams
Hi there,
My name is Aisha daughter of Shukri Ghanem. We fled from Libya last year following the uprising against Col Muammar Gaddafi.
My father’s death is no longer news but my mother’s deteriorating health made me want to do this despite the fact that I barely know you. I believe in my late father’s philosophy: “risk many things in life; but not life itself”. I believe in taking business risk with strangers mainly to escape the spotlight and I hope you can do this for my family.
I have a rather unusual proposition having found you on the internet in desperation and I am here to surprise you with this extreme offer you can easily afford. It’s something that I believe could provide a great deal of profit to you if you give me a moment of your time. I would like to propose a joint venture with you because we are looking at investment opportunities in your area and we need a local presence to carry out our plans. Everything depends on you and ultimately how self-motivated you are.
Of course, you may simply have reservations about teaming with us when you don’t know my family. Please be assured that I want nothing more than what could be a very profitable joint venture and a lasting business relationship.
Please write back and I’ll explain everything in full detail.
Thank you.
Best Regard,
Aisha Ghanem.
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